It is known by many of my friends that I have low self esteem and very low body confidence, I even feel I am “fat” at a UK size 14, even though it is known that a UK size 16 is now the national average for women.
So I am a healthy sized woman.
To improve my body confidence I am debating with myself to be brave and try and apply for Suicide Girls-an alternative modelling site, celebrating tattooed and pierced women pin-ups.
This is something I have wanted to do since I was 13.
But applying for Suicide Girls means showing off my body without clothes as I have to submit a set of 40-60 photographs of myself starting clothed, ending naked.
Although this may perhaps improve my confidence in myself and my body, the set has to be reviewed by members and highly approved before I can become a full Suicide Girl and start getting paid. This presents a problem at the moment as I am so uncomfortable with my body I barely let my boyfriend see it, let alone men/women on the internet.
What worries me the most, is not my images being online, but the negative comments I could get from the public about my body size considering many of the girls already on the site are heavily tattooed and have very slim, ideal bodies that are about a UK size 8-10.
I reckon I will think it over a lot more though and work on my confidence and get some tattoos before I do apply so I am fully confident in myself and prepared for any comments I will get…